Baby daddy ain’t ready to put a ring on it


Dear Abby: My girlfriend, “Dyanne,” and I recently had a baby conceived shortly after we started dating. While I love my child with all my heart, Dyanne constantly hints that she wants an engagement ring or a “promise ring”. I understand why because she explained her reasons. But she’s pressuring me to deliver something that I think should come when I feel comfortable doing it.

While some would say I don’t act like that, I’m traditional in some ways for a millennial. I believe that when I give someone a ring, it should be because I intend to marry them. I don’t view marriage like most do, and I think I can just get divorced and that’s okay. I think Dyanne puts too much emphasis on what other people think and that’s one of the reasons she wants a ring.

Am I wrong to delay until I feel ready to propose and not just say, “Sure. One day we will, and here is a ring in the meantime”?

— Not engaged in California

Dear Uncommitted: Nowhere in your letter did you mention that you loved Dyanne. You shouldn’t give her a ring and keep her in a waiting pattern if you’re not sure you want to keep the commitment. Be honest. Tell her that you care about her, love your child, and plan to be responsible co-parenting with her, but you’re not ready for marriage and you don’t know when you will. will be. It’s the truth.

Dear Abby: I am a volunteer tour guide for several historic sites. One of them is a cemetery. My fellow guides and I are worried – not to mention saddened – when we see children running around unsupervised, standing and climbing over headstones. Cemeteries are sacred places where the dead are to be commemorated and honored.

When parents or guardians allow children to use the cemetery as a playground, they are not teaching them respect for the dead or the survivors who visit the graves of their loved ones. They also put their children at risk. Tombstones can fall or tip over. Children were killed or seriously injured by falling rocks. Flat headstones can present tripping hazards. When we warn parents of these dangers, we are often met with indifference.

Please urge your readers to take seriously our concern for the safety of their children and to monitor their children’s activities in cemeteries.

— Relevant tour guide

Dear concerned: I am happy to transmit your message because it is important. Cemetery etiquette is simple: treat the graves as you would the graves of your loved ones, or as you would like yours to be treated. This includes the absence of loud chatter, and because there are grieving people there, not walking over graves, not leaving chewing gum on headstones, keeping pets on leashes – if they are brought there at all – and teaching children the difference between a cemetery and a playground.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at


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